"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." Through this satirical opening line in Jane Austen's novel, Pride and Prejudice, the author provides us with a glimpse of and into her keen wit and exquisite sense of humor. A comedy–drama of manners, the story — set in late–eighteenth–century England — deals cleverly and artfully with the societal prescriptions of the day…

In this adaptation, the Bennet family consists of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and their three daughters who are of marriageable age. Comfortably well–to–do, the family resides in the country, about 50 miles outside London. Mrs. Bennet is relentlessly and unremittingly obsessed with the (mostly justifiable) concern that, if her husband should predecease her, she will be ejected from her home — a fear stemming from the fact that, at that time, progenitor was the law of the land: property could only be inherited by a male heir. And as she and her husband have no sons — making the heir–apparent a cousin by the name of Mr. Collins — Mrs. Bennet frets that if none of her daughters marry prior to what she views as the imminent death of her husband, she will then have no home to go to, and would thus be left "on the parish" — a form of welfare.

The Bennet daughters are Jane (the "second" heroine), who romantically favors a wealthy young man new to their neighborhood, Mr. Bingley, whom Jane will come to marry; Elizabeth (the heroine), sharp–eyed, –witted, and –tongued, who will eventually marry Mr. Darcy (the hero) — a friend of Bingley's, Darcy is wealthy, aristocratic, arrogant, and somewhat forbidding; and Lydia, impetuous and overtly flirtatious, who elopes with a ne'er–do–well army officer, Wickham.

Darcy disapproves of Bingley's obvious infatuation with Jane, in part because of the less–than–desirable behavior exhibited by certain members of her family — in particular, her emotionally high–strung mother, and her imprudent sister, Lydia. In order to remove Bingley from the dangers of an impulsive commitment, Darcy and Bingley's sister contrive to have him leave his country dwelling and go to London. Too quick to interpret Bingley's departure as his rejection of her, Jane lapses into a deep depression. Sensitive to the situation, and hoping to keep Jane within Bingley's social sphere, Mrs. Bennet arranges for her daughter to visit her aunt and uncle, who, not coincidentally, are based in London.

As previously stated, the heir to the Bennet Estate, in the event of Mr. Bennet's death, is Mr. Collins — a sycophantic, obsequious, opportunistic clergyman. Still a bachelor, he is in the employ of the high–and–mighty Lady Catherine de Bourgh — who happens to be Darcy's aunt, and who abides by her long–asserted assumption that Darcy shall wed her daughter… Collins descends on the Bennet home for a short stay, principally to announce that his patroness, Lady Catherine, has urged him to marry. Knowing he has three very eligible and attractive cousins — Jane, Elizabeth, and Lydia — he intends to select one of them to be his wife. Ultimately, he proposes to Elizabeth who promptly rejects him! On the rebound, he then, instead, marries one of her friends — Charlotte Lucas. After the wedding, Elizabeth is invited to their home, and while there, is re–acquainted with Darcy; and she is introduced to the imperious Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Darcy finds he has been struck not only by Elizabeth's physical beauty, but also by her sharp intellect and witty observations, as well as the fact that she is not in the least intimidated by him. He proposes marriage to her — presented in such condescending, denigrating fashion that Elizabeth flatly refuses him, and proceeds to tell Darcy, in no uncertain terms, the reasons for her rejection!

Meanwhile, Lydia has, by now, absconded with a penniless army officer, Wickham — an elopement that is the cause of great shame and disgrace to the Bennet family. Mr. Bennet pursues the errant Lydia and her suitor, and obliges them to marry — at the cost of paying off all of Wickham's outstanding debts, and, in addition, giving the couple the substantial sum of ten thousand pounds. Elizabeth discovers that the amount was actually paid by Darcy… largely the result of his overriding sense of guilt for not properly warning the Bennets about Wickham's past reprehensible behavior and dishonorable intentions, including an attempt to ensnare Darcy's own sister into an elopement — an event which Darcy narrowly managed to prevent. Upon learning of Darcy's extraordinary generosity, accomplished with the utmost discretion, Elizabeth's inclinations towards him change.

Some time after Jane's return home from London, Bingley also returns to his manor house in the country; and when their affections for one another are reaffirmed, they announce their betrothal. And shortly thereafter, following a most unpleasant confrontation between Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Elizabeth — wherein Lady Catherine attempts, in vain, to force Elizabeth into agreeing she will refuse Darcy in any offers of marriage — Darcy once more approaches Elizabeth, expressing his ardent love for her; and this time… finally… his feelings for her are returned in kind!

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, i found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from the floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As i drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read "Girls/Guys I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. i quickly shut it,shocked to realize that i recongized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, i knew exactly where i was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in detailmy memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as i began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that i would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers/Sisters." Others i couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done In Anger," "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be suprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than i expected. Sometimes there were fewer than i hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life i had lived. Could it be possible that i had the time in my life to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When i pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, i hadn't found the end of the file. i shut it, shamed, not much so by the quality of the music, but more by the vast amount of time i knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," i felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

Suddenly i felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy i yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as i took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, i could not dislodge a single card, only to find it as strong as steel when i tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, i returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, i let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then i saw it The title bore "People I Have Shared The Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as i pushed away the tears, i saw HIM. No,please not HIM. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as HE began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch HIS response. And in the moments i could bring myself to look at HIS face, i saw a sorrow deeper than my own. HE seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did HE have to read every one?

Finally HE turned and looked at me from across the room. HE looked at me with pity in HIS eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. HE walked over and put HIS arm around me. HE could have said so many things. But HE didn't say a word. HE just cried with me.

Then he got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, HE took out a file and, one by one, began to sign HIS name over mine on each card.
"NO!" I shouted, rushing to HIM. All i could find to say was "No, No," as i pulled the card from HIM.HIS name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with HIS blood.

HE gently took the card back. HE smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think i'll ever understand how HE did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard HIM close the last file and walk back to my side. HE placed HIS hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and HE led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

For sinners like you and me, there's good news: Christ paid our debt. HE has covered our sin with HIS blood; HE has forgotten the past. Purity starts today.

"So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light" (Romans 13:12). Admittedly some will have more to lay aside than others--more memories, more pain, more regrets. But the past needn't determine our future. We have choices right now about how we'll live. Well we set our hearts on God and walk in HIS paths? "Let Us behave decently," the passage in Romans continues, "...not in sexual immorality and debauchery...Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Romans 13:13-14).

Not one of us can stand completely pure before God. We are all sinners. But no matter how filthy the rags of our defilement may be, in a moment of true surrender the heart turned toward God loses its impurity. God clothes us in Christ's righteousness. He no longer sees our sin. He transfers Jesus' purity to us. So see yourself as God sees you-- clothed in radiant white, pure, justified.

Maybe you have a particular memory that continues to hound you, a memory that makes you feel unworthy of God's love and forgiveness. Don't let the past beat you up. Forget it. Don't replay that moment or any others like it. If you've repented of all those behaviours, God has promised to remember them no more (Hebrews 8:12). Move on. A lifetime of purity awaits you.

28 November 2006, Tuesday

Valuable lesson learned in one night:

Yesterday night, I was chatting with my sister about our sad and happy memories. And did we ever regret the things that we’ve done.

She said:

“I don’t remember the sad memories of my life, just because I don’t hold on to it. If I had hold on to it, I’ll become a bitter person.
All I want to remember is my happy memories, not the sad ones. If I had kept it on myself, wouldn’t I be the one that couldn’t let go.”

Then she added:

“May… If you hold on dearly to the sad memories, you will not move on. Why not you learn to let go?”

After that she just walked out of the room…

I don’t remember my sister being so rational about something. Especially something like that… I was surprised to be honest. But it got me to think. Is it worth me remembering and holding on to memories that are sad?

It took a long time for me to answer myself. Actually the answer is “No”. What my sis said is right… I’ll become a bitter person. And I am a bitter enough right now. Now, I realized that how stupid I can be and look sometimes when I’m angry. Getting all angered up for little things that doesn’t even matter in one week time.

My friend asked me a question: If you get angry, then ask yourself would that thing matter in one week time?

Then I answered: No

Then she said: Then why did you get all angered up?

Sudden silence… I don’t know how to answer.

I feel that it is because I couldn’t control my anger. But this is just a reason to not admit that I’m low EQ. Which also sometimes I am too proud to admit…

I’ve learned a valuable lesson yesterday: Don’t keep the sad memories with you and learn to let go. The more you keep it, the bitter you’ll be. And all the sad memories should be thrown away and wash out.

My list of sad memories:

Anger, Broken hearts, Misunderstandings, Rights or wrongs, Past actions, Unforgiving… All have to be thrown away…

Today all start by removing all unhappy things. Present and cards by that someone, letters from friends…

 

A person who have a good heart.

I heard someone said “She may be loud but she has a good heart. At least she is real and rather faces the fact than putting things a side. But definitely she has to go for anger management.”

At first when I heard this… I was thinking who is that person? Slowly… I wanted to be that person that she was talking about but no need to go for anger management.

My next year resolution has changed. Initially, it was to earn more money and be happier. But right now, my resolution for next year has changed and that is to be a person who has a good heart. (If I really don’t have one.) Erm… If I have one… then… I’ll think of my resolution again. Haha.

This I must ask. How do you consider a person with a good heart?

Angelic? Sweet? Nice? Think about others? Helping others? And… what more?

And how do you consider a person with a bad heart?

Killing? Lying? Doing horrible things to people? Thinking horribly about other? And… what more?

Who can answer this? Can anyone tell me? What more should I ask or say? How do you be a person with a good heart?

I have read a column about “When one Good Deed Deserves Another…” is it with a good heart? I don’t know… whether is real because I can see people who did some good deeds and never get any repayment.

A good heart VS. A good deed. What’s the difference?

Grey's Anatomy is a dramatic story about a group of new surgical interns fighting it out and figuring it out in one of the country's most competitive residency programs. The group of five all battle the job, each other and life on a daily basis. Despite the cut-throat atmosphere and relentless stress the five manage to form friendships and grow with each other. They are all young, sexually charged and motivated. . .leading to a deep and passionate story.

Despite this thread of similarity, all five interns are unique. Meredith, a quietly ambitious doctor is the daughter of a famous surgeon. She hides the fact that her mother is ailing from Alzhimer's and it eats her up. Christina is the definition of 'motivated' and 'mean', constantly vying for the top spot amonst the group. Isobel a self-conscious girl from a small town grew up poor and put herself through med school with her modeling, which becomes a source of embarrasment. George is the goofy guy next door who desperately wants the attention of the girls but is hopelessly awkward in their presence. Alex, although handsom, is as arrogant as they come and gives new meaning to the phrase 'God Complex'.
The team of doctors who 'mentors' this group is just as diverse and troublesome. Dr. Derek Shepherd is the hospital's new super-star surgeon. He soon finds out that a one-night stand, Meredith, is one of the hospital's new interns. Despite the hospital's policy he decides to continue his relationship with Meredith. Shepherd's success threatens Dr. Preston Burke, who views the hotshot doctor as an obstacle in his climb to the top of the hospital. Burke is an amazing surgeon that seems to thrive on this conflict. He's ruthless with the new doctors but in the end wants to help them. The interns get a good dose of tough love from their daily drill-master, Dr. Miranda Bailey the senior resident, AKA "the Nazi." She has a love for junk food and for snapping at interns. All the doctors report to the chief of surgery, Dr. Richard Webber who has cautioned the interns that some won't make the cut in his program. At times, he has a hard time treating Meredith as 'another intern' considering he knew her as her mother's daughter, a world renowned surgeon.

Thanks for celebrating

 

My Sirius' colleagues

AW and Marj for the beautiful full of good looking guys dinner

Mummy and daddy (Thanks daddy for the dinner the day after)

Coffee bean - Naz for giving me a discount on the birthday cake...hahaha

 

Thanks for the pressies

 

Mary

Yik Yik

Marjorie..

 

Thanks for the birthday wishes

 

My Sis - Ling Ling & Lydia & My Bro - Kelvin

Nelson Koh koh

Layyan

Jeanette

Jared chan

Stephen

Yengping

 

Love you all.. Muaks...

For those who forgot.. dun worry.. i'll forgive you.. becos i've been forgiven before..

My dear frenzzz celebrated my birthdya with me... AiWen, Marj...ThankYOU!!!!!! Muaks'.

Love them very much ..

We went to this Italianise restaurant  ..<< not sure if it's called this...gegege...

It's the first time that all three of us are there. Had a great time there..

 Did not he who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same one form us both within our mothers? (Job 31:15).

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God (Psalm 22:9-10).

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16).

This is what the LORD says---he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you...(Isaiah 44:2).

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you (Isaiah 46:3-4).

And now the LORD says---he who formed me in the womb to be his servant to bring Jacob back to him and gather Israel to himself, for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD and my God has been my strength (Isaiah 49:5).

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:4-5).

When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy" (Luke 1:41-42, 44).

my besties are so excited about this ladies nite...

I mean .. it's been a long time ..not that i remember how long.. we dint sit down and have a great talk and have a great drink.

 

To me .. we deserve a time spend together.. one bestie always ask me to organize it. but never had the time.. becos i'm always busy organizing other ppls event. but this time... i just need to call it a nite.. doesnt matter... no need planning.. just call it .. it'll happen... hehe

 

it's true that i miss those crazy old times. we can crack on anything .. gegege... a time that we can be free..... as in really free..

 

I was wondering if one day i would loose all my memories, i wish it would be permanent!! I may have doubts about what my past is but I'll make sure everyone to tell me to move on with my life and have a new chapter. This may sound like my life now is miserable but please dun think that .. its juz that i have some bad times or may worst time of my life in it. N I definately do have happy times in my life.

 

I believe starting a new chapter will be great despite all the twist n turns i've encounter for the past year or two.

Learning from the past maybe a good memory ...

you know?....ppl says the past helps you grow... I say I will make my future a better place by living it a day at a time.

Treasuring the things that i miss out along my past .. may help me find back what i've lost.

but what is it that i've lost that i regret not having and not knowing...? answer is nothing..

 

Now is a time to regain myself... my time... my thots... my friend and families... my HEART.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

im so deadmeat...sigh .. that's all i can say